So What is the Endgame Courtney?

Now, let me preface this by saying that I don't have anything against people who want to humiliate themselves for my amusement. That said, I have to really question what the hell Courtney Stodden's father/husband/pimp is thinking. The poor girl is 17, looks like she's pushing 30 most of the time, and is continually pushing the idea that she is some sort of sexpot. I hate to be the one to tell her that when you are constantly telling people you are sexy, that means you really aren't and no amount of silicon or make-up will cover that fact up.

I guess that my question is really, where can she go from here? Unless she is angling for a career in porn, she's put herself into that corner before she's even had a chance to have a real career. Sadly, she's probably more marketable/hireable than Lindsay Lohan at this point, but really if they stood next to each other, who could tell the difference?

Like a lemon to a lime a lime to a lemon

So MCA died yesterday and none of you ghouls had him, for which I'm kinda grateful. I was never a huge fan of the Beastie Boys after Paul's Boutique, but they were funny and you never knew what they were going to do next. We wore out License to Ill in high school, so that is why I picked this video to post, some good times were had.

Mad Men Season 5

So in a previous post I lamented my late arrival to the television series Mad Men and my damn near heroic efforts that I undertook to get myself caught up. No, it wasn't nearly as horrifying as it could have been, but getting through 54 or so hours of television in about a month is no small feat.


Anyway, I bring this up because season 5 is currently airing and boy howdy, is it good (see what happens when I start censoring myself a bit? I don't care for that...). I contemplated being one of the bandwagon jumping blogger who spouts off knee-jerk reactions to episodes, but that didn't really appeal to me, besides watching Mad Men and trying to figure out what is happening after one or two episodes is like trying to divine the true meaning of the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42. You need time, space, and perspective to figure out that it is just Damon Lindloff's idea of how to see Evangeline Lilly in skimpy outfits every day... Anyway, here are a couple of thoughts about this season of Mad Men:

1. The writers have done a really clever thing in the way they are treating Don's marriage to Megan. Prior to the season premier there was so much speculation among critics and fans as to how they could get rid of Megan so as to not kill the show or how their relationship would be some sort of farce and the actions of Tomorrowland would be the series' shark-jumping moment. Neither has been the case, instead we get a complicated portrayal of two strong-minded people trying to make a strange marriage work. Don may have thought he was getting Julie Andrews-like nanny, but what he really got was a smart, driven young woman who isn't afraid to call him on his shit. Don had been so cloaked in secrets and lies that many thought their relationship was doomed before it started. The writer's have shown us how Don has changed, and how he hasn't, whithout a lot of clunky dialogue or hacky set pieces. It has been interesting to watch.

2. Nobody has missed Betty. We all got to see too much of her last year as she devolved into a shrew that even her new husband couldn't stand. This year she has been relegated to one episode and it has been the season's low point. They have reached the point where they either really need to ramp up Betty's role in the story or they just need to get rid of her altogether.

3. Finally, Roger Sterling is the Man...

It has been a good season so far, I am very interested in where they plan on taking this story, to see what this is all supposed to mean and how it all affects these characters who are as richly drawn as any that television has ever had. Oh, and good on Joan for getting rid of Dr. Raper this year too... He was creepy.

Death stalks you at every turn!

So in the grand tradition of the Van Blogger/Haven we are continuing our annual morbid countdown to see which of these celebrities makes it through the year and which ones take the long dirt nap. As always, the winner gets a 12 pack of Coke products...which isn't product placement like the Hecht's neighbors getting a Jetta on The Middle... Stupid corporate America...

We'll start with the defending champion Kristin's picks:

1. Tom Sizemore
2. Lindsey Lohan
3. Andy Griffith
4. Aretha Franklin
5. Betty White
6. Zsa Zsa Gabor
7. Kirk Douglas
8. Dick Van Dyke
9. Prince Phillip (the Queen's hubby)
10. Charlotte Rae

Brandt checks in with the following:

1. GHW Bush
2. Ruth Bader-Ginsburg
3. Fidel Castro
4. Arpaio - by assassination (+ 10 points for calling it)
5. Coach Eddie Robinson
6. Stan "The Man" Musial
7. Fats Domino (fat and nearly dead)
8. Nelson Mandela
9. Stephen Hawking (.5 dead already)
10. Rev. Billy Graham (a rude awakening awaits)

Renee selected the following:

1. Britney Spears
2. Paula Abdul
3. Ringo Starr
4. Paul McCartney (Car Crash)
5. Queen of England
6. Yoko Ono
7. Diana Ross
8. Florence Henderson
9. Mel Brooks
10. Demi Lovato.

My picks are broken into two divisions again:

Old Bastard Division:
1. Kirk Douglas – Stroke
2. Mary Tyler Moore – Diabetes complications
3. Nancy Reagan – Overdose!
4. Dion Warwick – Suicide
5. Pat Robertson – Assassination

Young Freak Division:
6. Josh Hamilton – Car Accident/DUI
7. Terell Owens – Suicide
8. Christina Aguilera – Choking on her own vomit
9. Arte Lange – Heart Attack
10. Ke$ha – Overdose

And we have a new participant this year as Heather decided to school us all:

1. Eddie Van Halen – Alcohol/drugs
2. Rumor Willis – OD
3. Demi Moore – OD
4. Mary Tyler Moore – Stroke
5. Muhammad Ali – complications from Parkinson’s
6. Steven Tyler – Heart Attack
7. Dick Clark – Stroke
8. John Madden – Heart Attack
9. Tara Reid – OD
10. Bobby Brown – Grief over lost love

So far that's it... There is still time for Eric to join the fun.... Or anyone else who wants in.

So Who the Hell

works for Askmen.com? On my old blog I wrote a rant about Maxim's choice of Katy Perry as the sexiest woman alive a couple of years back. After looking at this new list that Askmen.com put out (which received a surprising amount of publicity by the way, what the hell is that about?) I feel like I need to apologize to Maxim.

Well, now that I think about it, no I'm not apologizing to those idiots, have you actually read that dreck?

Anyway, this new list is horrific. Of course I'm good with Sofia Vergara, but most of the others in the top 10? Rihanna? Nicki Minaj? Miranda Kerr? Rooney Mara? Candice Swanepoel? Ugh... All either solidly meh or flat out terrifying. Of course might prompt me to come up with my own again.... Consider yourself warned.

Stupid books

So I totally ditched Catch-22 for now. I hate it. I'll give it another read later, but I was bogging down with the stupid book, life's too short, so I'm reading Tender is the Night by Fitzgerald. So far it isn't too bad, but who knows.

What I really want is a good new book, but I am at a loss. I think that I'm just going to have to go to Barnes and Noble and spend some time and money finding a new book or a new author to read. Gee, that sounds horrible.

A Different Kind of Van Halen

Van Halen released a new album today. I've been trying to work my way through this information, to process it and quite frankly I'm not sure how I feel about the whole endeavor.

I'd like to say that I'm past the idea that Van Halen matters to me in any way, but I'm obviously not. I'd like to say that the thought of a Van Halen that doesn't include Michael Anthony doesn't bother me, but it does. I considered a boycott, but I'm afraid that I just couldn't do it. They have pissed me off, but I'm like a battered spouse at this point.

Trust me, I'm not crazy enough to think that any of this crap matters in the grand scheme of things (or even in the little scheme of things), but Van Halen sold records on a couple of key ideas and idea number one was that nobody had more fun than they did. A Van Halen show was a party and everyone was invited. Well, I guess that over the past decade of inactivity, bitterness, and hatred directed towards ex-band members and fans taught us that this concept was nothing more than marketing. Quite frankly after seeing the mess that EVH was in 2004, I'm surprised that he's still breathing.

Now they are selling themselves as something, I'm not quite sure what. It is funny that they have done no press for this, I guess that they are afraid that someone might ask a question about their inactivity or stupidity. Whatever...

I guess all that matters is the music on the new disc and fortunately for them, most of it is pretty good. Most of these songs are old, written in the mid-70's or early 80's, so we are not dealing with the most vital songwriters anymore, but I guess that the fact that Ed is still alive and playing pretty well is something to celebrate. Just forgive me if I'm not leading the parade on this one.